Evil Barney The Dinosaur
Barney was a stupid and evil purple p*doph**e dinosaur. He likes killing little things like Oompa Loompas and kittens. He was sent by Bowser to get Lotsa Spaghetti from Malleo in Mama Luigi's shame called: Mama Luigi's Mansion. He also can time travel and meets with the dinosaurs from long ago, but can't stop the Asteroid from hitting Earth. This could be a reason why he is evil, as he is one of the last Dinosaurs. He might be the antichrist because if you change the Us in "cute purple dinosaur" to Vs and then add up the values of all the letters that are Roman numerals in that phrase, you get 666.
He was happy all the time, which made kids who watched his show, Barney and Friends, not be able to regulate or cope with negative emotions. He lost his job and got censored when he cursed at a kid. He was killed and eaten gruesomely by the Evil Teletubbies when they went psychotic.
He uses his Evil Mind Control to convince little kids that he is not evil, then he sings and dances with them. After they turn the cameras off, he eats them, and he gathers new kids. He does this for sport, not for food. When hes hungry, he just eats Pickles and Nachos. Though sometimes he snacks on Innocent Children because of the fiber he doesn't get. Worse than that, he is one of the silver aces of the Supreme Golden Ace Invasion Organization.
Barney lives at Barney's Top Secret HQ with his minions Evil Baby Bop, Evil BJ, and Evil Riff. He plots his next attacks there. He enjoys using his Technology to conquer the world. He has never conquered the world, but you just wait!
He is purple due to a radioactive explosion that took place during Radioactive Man's rampage. He uses his purpleness to make people see purple. Then he EATS THEM! If he doesn't eat them, he rolls them in bread crumbs, cooks them at 350 or until golden brown, puts them in the refrigerator, and reheats them later.
History[edit | edit source]
Barney was born in some ancient time a long time ago. He lived in Ancient Sesame Street while he was a regular dinosaur, but was chased out by cavemen. He then went to a different street, and claimed it as HIS territory!
Eventually, children were invented, and he started eating them. This became a sort of hobby. He started eating more children than everyone else combined!
He opened a store called "Barney's Store", and nobody knows what he sold there. It closed down after the Police went in, so Barney ate them. He then turned into a super-dino, and destroyed everything in his path.
Barney now continues his job of eating innocent kids while avoiding attention from the police (because he eats them). A jihad started against him called "The Jihad to Destroy Barney".
He can be summoned anytime by saying the ancient Tamaranean incantation, "Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination. And when he's tall hes what we call a dinosaur sensation." So, you don't want to say that unless you want Barney to show up and eat you whole. Which he does A LOT.
However, on Pranksgiving 97', he was acting as one of the Balloons in the Parade, so He can collect some of His Victims. Then, a Strong Wind Blew Barney to a Lamp Post, which proceeded to Puncture Him. Since Barney was Acting like a Balloon, all of his Insides spewed out, and he Died. Apparently, He can't Respawn because he Owes Shaggy Rogers 5,000 Scooby Snacks. Of course Barney deserves a bad ending on Pranksgiving since the pufferfish eats a carrot and deserves a good ending on Pranksgiving
Proof that Evil Barney really exist[edit | edit source]
- The character of Barney is well-described as a "cute purple dinosaur".
- The former Latin alphabet used the letter V in place of U.
- Therefore the above phrase is modified to "cvte pvrple dinosavr".
- Letters that do not represent Roman numerals are removed, leaving: "c v v l d i v"
- When the remaining numbers 100, 5, 5, 50, 500, 1, and 5 are added, the result is 666.
- This also works with "lovable purple dinosaur". This gives the letters "l v l v l d i v", which in turn gives 50, 5, 50, 5, 50, 500, 1, and 5, which also add up to 666.
- Barney has a axe and he will kill a person who hates him in HALF!